Let’s get it straight: by abroad here, I speak specifically of Europe and America, whose cultures are different from yours in Nigeria before you traveled abroad. Whether in school or at work, little things can get you into trouble as a foreigner in the West. But I’m here to give you tips which can save you from the cultural landmines your enemies have laid for you.
- If you don’t know the gender someone identifies with, use “they”. Don’t assume someone with traditional male features is certainly a man. Same for a woman. Ask. Don’t let the wrong pronoun put you in trouble—in extreme cases, you could lose your job.
- If someone has a disability, don’t assume they need help and rush to help. Again, ask first. They could be offended that you think them weak. That you are judging them and assuming they can’t help themselves. Ask, oga Do-Good.
- Don’t tell a fat person they are overweight. It doesn’t matter if they weigh just 12 pounds lighter than a sperm whale—don’t call them fat. If it’s absolutely necessary to allude to their body size in a conversation, you have to find fancy phrases to do that with. Be body-positive or keep your mouth shut. In fact, some groups totally hate it when someone who has lost weight posts before-and-after images. They say such images make others feel uncomfortable in their bodies. When the singer Adele lost weight and shared such photos, she was dragged for being “fat-phobic.”
- In the event of a social media outrage about any given subject, you have to know how to appropriately gauge your response to the situation without being at the receiving end of the backlash. The cancel culture where internet mobs demand a mass boycott of a business, the sack of an offending fellow who posted stuff online, or mass unfollowing of a celebrity who has said the wrong thing—the culture demands that you learn from others’ mistakes when you move abroad. You must know when to talk and when not to—though sometimes being silent can put you in trouble too. Just observe the mob during an outrage, especially if your co-workers or schoolmates follow you on social media. Stay on the side of the mob regardless of your personal convictions. Your convictions will not put food on your table when folks on Twitter call on your office to fire you.
- There are men who are “traumatized” because they wish they were never circumcised. If you get into any conversation about circumcision, understand that there are circumcised men that totally hate it and can’t sleep. Don’t remind them about that part in the Bible where God instructed Abraham to circumcise his male offspring. Show empathy.
- If a couple you are friends with doesn’t have kids, don’t carry your Nigerian lack of boundaries and start asking them when they will have kids. They could be “child-free” meaning they don’t want to have kids. Child-free not childless, please. Some child-free couples can get offended when you just assume they should have kids. We know that where you’re coming from, “children are a gift from God”, but some people over there sort of have other ideas.
- Learn the right terms. A mother who doesn’t want to keep a baby can “drops it off” at a clinic or some other public place so that someone else or an agency can take the child. Don’t say she “abandoned” her baby. Say she “surrendered” it.
- While asking a woman out, don’t do it more than twice. The third time qualifies as harassment and pestering and if you work in the same office and she reports you, you may be gone. Some even report at the second date request. Then again if you asked once and she didn’t accept, chances are that she may start feeling uncomfortable around you if you both work in the same place. If she reports that she feels “unsafe” working with you, you’re gone. You may just forget about dating a co-worker.
- In America, don’t start an argument about gun control. You know, wondering why they keep guns and suggesting guns should be taken away. You will never understand their love of guns and don’t even try to. If you want to take part in the argument, talk about mental health and background, but tiptoe around saying the government should take guns away.
- When your colleague or someone tells you stories about their partner, please resist the urge to immediately assume that they are talking about someone of the opposite gender. Nothing buries you faster like disregard for the LGBTQ+ community. And need I tell you about assuming someone is talking about a human baby because they kept saying “My child, my child” during conversations? They could be talking about their pet. Don’t ever assume, ask questions.
The list continues to grow daily. But these are the basics, stick to them and just maybe, you would escape being socially ostracized in the west.